I’m so excited to ring in the new year. 2018 was one of the most challenging years yet, so I’m feeling pretty ready to turn the page and start fresh. A new year brings lots of promise – a chance to start again. I look over the past year and feel so proud of the changes I’ve made – changes I have been wanting to make for many years, but never wanted to face.
I’m leaving a lot of guilt and self negligence in 2018. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I wasn’t nice to myself, either. For a long time, I ignored what was really going on inside my body and talked poorly about myself and to myself. After several panic attacks throughout the summer + fall of 2018, I finally admitted that I needed help and started seeing a therapist regularly and am finally facing my anxiety. Filling out that online form was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I did a simple Google search and found a therapist who I felt connected to after reading through a number of biographies + backgrounds.
After just a couple of weeks, I started seeing someone I could trust and openly talk to about all aspects of my life. In just the three months I’ve been seeing her, I’ve noticed a shift in my thinking and feel like I have a better approach at my day to day. I’m finally seeing my own potential and am learning to love myself all while learning it’s OK not to please everyone. I’m learning to say “no” to things that add stress or make me feel devalued. I spent a lot of time dwelling in a place where I felt like I was never good enough in 2018. I wasted a lot of negative thoughts on myself. I muddled through those hard days that turned into weeks, and I’m so thankful that I started taking care of my brain. After starting therapy, I feel like I’m able to communicate more clearly about what I want out of life and am learning to take the steps to get there, leaving behind self-doubt and negligence. Addressing my anxiety was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
So to 2018, I say: Thank you. You taught me that addressing my inner demons was the hardest and truly the most challenging thing. You taught me to embrace my creativity and to let go of what others thought. You taught me to follow my own path + produce work that I truly valued and want to share.
Note: I know some people hate these new year reflection things, but I for one, think it’s important to review the past. I want everyone who reads this to know that it’s important to open up about things that aren’t necessarily ‘fun’ or ‘cute’ to talk about. For the longest time, I debated writing this post because it wasn’t my typical pretty photos post. This is something I’m hoping to change this year and I invite you to tag along! I’m so much more than a photographer + I want to connect with you!